Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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