Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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