I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
