Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
