I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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