Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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