sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
