I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
