I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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