Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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