Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
