maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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