i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
