You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
