Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just invented taco cereal.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
