you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
