do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
