I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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