I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
