I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I wish there were birth control emojis
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
