"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
