Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
