I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
