Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize