You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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