my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
