I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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