They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
