my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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