thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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