Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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