is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
