I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Randomize
