If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
