Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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