I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
