in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
