So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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