Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
