her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
