Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
