well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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