If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize