I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Are we still banned from the library?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You pole danced in your parka.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
