My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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