I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
