omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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