I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
