I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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