I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
