I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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