so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
