i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dick very happy bro
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