Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
