Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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