if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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