Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
my poor anus
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
