4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
