you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
