My nipple is on Facebook.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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