i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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