every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my shit smells like andre
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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