I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize