Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
