The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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