Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
