I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
