i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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