No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
