What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
