i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize