does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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