as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
