not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
