Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
