I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
