I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
