Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
