Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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