Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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