you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
