Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize