i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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