if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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