No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
