So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
