I'm going to jail i love you
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
