Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
