I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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