Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
