the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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