I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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