I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
