living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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