Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
