she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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