I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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