just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
