not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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